Today it is my 29th birthday. I started traveling three months ago, now I am in the sublime, vivid, diverse Palermo in Sicily. It is my second day without eating. I am on a full liquid diet of 5 days. I am cleaning my body after I overdosed it with a large variety of delicious cheeses and pastas. It is my fifth day without coffee and my fourth week without alcohol. I woke up today, sit in front of my computer and gave space to my thoughts with the aim to organize them and create harmony between them, as lately they have become disturbingly noisy. The frustrating chaos in my mind turn out to be a big enough dream to be scared of. I am happy to share this with you, and also the last paragraphs that make me really happy now and hopefully in the up-coming months and years, too, if my goal doesn’t change meanwhile.
I needed a change.
I’ve been following a pattern automatically from an early age. I haven’t stopped for a second. There was no question that I go for what leads me towards a great career, recognition, an appreciated professional life. I graduated from three universities, I explored several professions simultaneously, all the time aspiring for the highest achievements I considered to be possible for me to reach. I set 2017 as the year when I (finally) HAD TO figure out in which direction I want to go, to choose one profession that is in perfect rapport with who I am. I was forcing myself without knowing how harmful this way of thinking is to me. I was working, writing articles, translating a novel, winning scholarships, studying and working on every weekend at least 8 hours. In the autumn of 2017 my strong ’seasonal’ headache didn’t cease. The pain became constant, everlasting, and despite several treatments, I still have a light headache everyday, all the time.
This headache was the method how my body wanted to protect me from a more serious and painful effect caused by the stress, restlessness and pressure that I’ve put on myself. I couldn’t stop otherwise, but my headache obliged me to slow down. I couldn’t lie back and enjoy my free time before. I only felt good working as this was the sign that I spend my time usefully enough for achieving my goal. I didn’t know then that allowing myself to rest, relax and enjoy life is part of the ’work’ as it is the key to efficiency and creativity. Without slowing down I’ve lost the possibility to SEE and EXPERIENCE what I am actually doing and what I really want to achieve.
Learn what has never been taught.
I had to learning how to not work. I had to learn to get rid of the sense of guilt felt when I wasn’t working. I had to learn to be present when having free time. I had to learn to give myself free time. I had to learn to listen to my intuition and let myself be guided by my gut feelings. I had to get to know who I am, how I think and how can I uncover my answers to the hardest question ’what do I want’.
And the monkey mind never sleeps.
Even today, sometimes I need more time to figure out if what I consider my wish and desire is really mine or a blueprint of the social norms and constructs. I have to find out if the claim for safety and comfort is dominating my wishes or it all comes from the inside. When I dream big enough, my monkey mind does an even greater job trying to protect me from any risk, from leaving my comfort zone behind, from making bold decisions. But I have a dream, no matter what.
Today it’s my 29th birthday.
Today I could put all my wishes, concerns and obstacles down on one sheet of paper. As I saw my thoughts in a big picture, the obstacles became opportunities, the concerns became possibilities and my wish became a goal that I can start now to create.
My dream is.
I want to keep on traveling and exploring the world, different cultures and meet new fun and interesting people continuously, but also having ’my home’ meanwhile, where I can host my people and serve them fully at the same time. I want a new working challenge in the corporate world with a company that respects my terms and conditions, accepts the way of working in a flexible schedule which supports me in staying efficient and creative, and agrees on a 3-4 months ’home office’ deal every year, the time I can spend with traveling. I want to serve the community of international world travelers by offering them accommodation, a high level of hospitality and others that I still want to keep as secret. I want to improve my body awareness, and I want to start creating my performance focusing on freedom, instinct, and sexuality after a focused and relaxed research period. I want to have a great impact on the people I am in rapport with.
My goal is.
My goal is to find the working place that aligns with my standards and share high value with the team I join while being an inspiring leader in my working environment. My goal is to create an intimate, comfortable, cozy community hub that invites great people for co-living. My goal is to get visible for my people so that I can create impact by serving them and supporting them in designing and creating their own ideal lives. I think in community, creation, exploration, adventure and connections. My goal is to create balance between living in the amazing city of Budapest and traveling around the world, my profitable and stable value-based professional life and my vagabond spirit, and so on. I am going to share with you the details of my goal-setting soon.
You are welcome.
Let me know if you would like to join the hub of inspiring people from all around the world. Let me know if you would like to be part of an ever-changing, flexible and creative community based in Budapest. Let me know if you would like a comfortable, homely spot where to stay if you visit Budapest. Let me know if you would like to have support in dreaming big enough and setting your true goals. Give me a sign by subscribing to my brand new newsletter, and I’ll let you know how I am progressing with my goals and how can we interact most efficiently. I promise, I’ll do my best to keep you inspired. Keep in touch and thank you for reading my birthday testimonial.
love, d.
dorialbert.com 